By Paul Robertson
I live in Canada and have been watching youth culture here for years. I also travel to the United States quite a bit on behalf of CPYU to speak to youth workers and parents about our rapidly changing youth culture. Over the years I’ve seen how globalization has leveled the playing field of contemporary youth culture. In other words, while there are still realities unique to each particular culture, the larger trends are the same. What’s happening there is happening here, and what’s happening here is happening there. Perhaps nowhere do we see that more than in the changes taking place in the structure and function of the family.

Here in Canada, Vancouver’s Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate have been looking at the family for years. Their book, Hold On To Your Kids, focuses on the growing problem of peer orientation—the dilemma of kids growing up to be more like their friends than their parents. In the opening lines of their book they write, “Something has changed. We can sense it, can feel it, just not find the words for it. Children are not quite the same as we remember being. They seem less likely to take their cues from adults, less inclined to please those in charge, less afraid of getting into trouble … Through the ages adults have complained about children being less respectful of their elders and more difficult to manage than preceding generations, but could it be that this time it is for real?”

Neufeld and Mate could have been writing a prelude to the recent study released by The Vanier Institute of the Family (Feb. 2007) in Toronto. “Contemporary Family Trends” (www.vifamily.ca) focuses on the growing number of children and adolescents who exhibit problematic behaviors. A detailed read of the report leaves one believing that in fact this time it must be for real. The study defines problematic behaviors as “acts that negatively affect or hurt others, are destructive of or stressful to institutions such as families and schools as well as property and the natural environment.” They conclude that society in general has changed to a culture that favors the development of problematic rather than prosocial behaviors.

The big question becomes “what has changed?” How has culture moved from one that nurtured children to one of abandonment? CFT cites a number of social developments in recent decades that have kept kids from getting the structure, stability, and values needed for normal development. They include:

• Less parental or adult presence at home to anchor children’s lives.
• Fewer family rituals that attach youth to a regulating calendar of events.
• Schools and neighborhoods that no longer serve as effective communities, hence providing inadequate collective supervision.
• Reduced importance of religion as a life-structuring element and agency of social control.
• Access to media products and programming of a materialistic, individualistic and violent nature.

The study also identifies six factors that have contributed to the growing number of children with problematic behaviors.

Parenting issues

As family structures have changed, so has parenting. In some cases, single parents are left on their own to deal with difficult children. Many studies show the negative effect for kids growing up without fathers. In other situations, the growing trend of “permissive” parents produce more and more young people pushing the boundaries of acceptable behavior. Busy parents spend less time with their children while meeting the demands of one and two jobs. All these family permutations lead to less structured and supervised time with kids, which in turn can lead to troubling behaviors.

Statistics show that the divorce rate has decreased slightly since the 1980s along with more and more couples choosing cohabitation. There also has been a decrease in births to single mothers since 2000. However, studies still show that children are at greater risk for behavioral and emotional challenges than those being raised in a two-parent family. A disproportionate number of delinquents still come from single-parent homes.

Peer orientation

In the growing absence of parents, either through work or family breakdown, friends become the surrogate family. Peers, thanks to a multitude of technological ways to stay connected, can influence greatly the beliefs, behaviors and attitudes of even the youngest child. As Neufeld and Mate point out, peers may well have become the substitute family, but they do not have the wisdom, patience and skills of real parents. In most cases we end up with the blind leading the blind.

Peer orientation is also a major concern because it comes at a time when adolescents are seeking a break from parental control. It’s called “growing up.” As a result of absentee parenting, for whatever the reason, many young people are looking for direction in life from friends, not family. Such guidance begins to explain why so many of our young people now struggle with a variety of issues.

Quality of schools and education

CTS also looked at child socialization in the classroom and teacher influence. Children attending schools with a high ratio of difficult peers are at a much greater risk of developing similar patterns. Schools are working harder to keep the problem kids in the classroom, which in turn has a negative effect on both peers and teachers.

Added to this problem is the growing stress this brings into the life of teachers. Schools seem to be getting larger with more and more difficult students. It takes its toll on teachers as more days are lost to stress and finding a supply of teachers is a growing challenge. However, no one underestimates the power of a great teacher to influence kids for the good. Even the most effective, compassionate teacher can feel overwhelmed with peripheral issues beyond their control.

CTS also questions if classrooms have become too unstructured. Children spend much less time sitting in rows and being taught directly as a class by their teachers. Working in teams and independent research is the latest trend. It fosters a rugged sense of individualism while offering little responsibility directly to the person in authority.

Quality of neighborhoods

It comes as no surprise that where a child grows up significantly impacts his or her development. Generally speaking, areas of high employment and stability tend to produce youth with fewer social problems, while lower-income neighborhoods have a higher risk for problematic behaviors. Too often children who are both poor and beset by social problems are not adequately socialized, especially when the parents are poor and often working long hours to support the children they so dearly love. In Vancouver, one study showed that in terms of general child development, in a typical affluent community, 15 percent of children are vulnerable compared to 50 percent in low-income areas.

Affluence

An affluent neighborhood does not automatically mean kids without problems. Over the past few years, a growing number of at-risk youth are emerging from these areas. Often times there are no effective adult communities in place as some parents are largely absent, permissive and uninvolved. This provides young people with ample opportunities to hang out in hot cars, experiment with sex and drugs at home, throw parties, and be involved in other types of problematic behavior. All of these are signs that well-intentioned parents are failing to pass on values of civility to their children.

Other parents give their children material things rather than time. Caught up in consumerism, some parents think that just providing their kids with all the toys the world has to offer will solve their problems. Nothing could be further from the truth. Kids long for meaningful relationships with their parents. In many ways wealthy, but relationally living in poverty.

Media influences

Although the influence of media on kids is debated at the academic level, kids themselves readily admit they are influenced by what they see and hear. In a similar media study from the American Psychological Association on the sexualization of girls (www.apa.org), the APA lays out in detail the contributions of media, music, lyrics, television and movies when it comes to depicting women and young girls in a sexualizing manner. Too many of these messages encourage little girls to dress sexy and act sexy if they want the attention of the opposite sex. All of this becomes problematic when they engage in the natural sexual activities one would expect. For example, the Canadian government recently announced the need to vaccinate all girls age 9-13 for HPV in order to protect them from the chances of cervical cancer.

The mind of any child under 12 years of age can be very undiscerning and susceptible to all kinds of wrong messages. Kids at this age tend to believe whatever they see and hear. This is not an issue if you’re a parent actively involved in the life of your child but it does pose a danger to young ones who mindlessly consume media for hours on end. Whether the message is sex, violence or consumerism, our youth are at risk for making bad decisions. Every child watching TV is spending time with strangers whose morals and values may be significantly different from the ones they are raised with.

What does this all mean for parents trying to do their best to raise physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy children? Even the “best of” families are faced with daily decisions and challenges. The Center for Parent/Youth Understanding would like to offer the following suggestions:

First, parents need to make their children a priority. It’s easy to say, but hard to live it out. Life is busy and there are many things that scream for our attention. But, none will pay the dividends a solid relationship with your kids will. If you want to raise a happy family, the price will be your time and focus.

Second, parents need to remember the constant media barrage and the power it has to shape our kids. Teaching kids to mindfully critique their media choices from the perspective of a biblical world and life view is a wonderful skill to pass on to your children. Most children and teens mindlessly consume everything they see and hear without considering its effect upon them. Their worldview and consequently their values and beliefs are molded by media. A good starting point would be to use CPYU’s “How to Use Your Head to Guard Your Heart” (https://www.cpyu.org/Page.aspx?id=76909) media evaluation tool with your kids on a regular basis.

Third, spend time eating as a family. Research shows that families that eat together stay together. It is not the magic of the food, but rather the conversations that make a family strong. Studies show that any family that has five or more meals together per week is more likely to raise kids who develop strong pro-social behaviors.

Finally, teach your kids right from wrong and the rewards that come with being a person of Godly character and integrity. In a culture steeped in moral relativism, many of our kids are trying—but struggling—to live lives of truth. Society says “do whatever you want” while deep down inside they know there is a right way to live. Media won’t teach it to our kids. Our kids need parents who will walk closely with them until such time as we can set them free.

My country, your country and our world may well be in a family meltdown phase, but that doesn’t mean we need to abandon hope. As adults we are more than capable of countering the culture through Godly parenting and influence. The only question is—will we?